I came home from work today (my two-hour-a-day gig) and went straight to my bedroom to take off my jeans and put on sweatpants. Then I lay down on my couch because I was so exhausted from my hard day of work, and read a bit of my latest favorite book: Tina Fey's “Bossy Pants.” I know, I’m always a few years behind on everything. For example: Today I learned what a hashtag was. It took a few seventeen year olds to explain it to me. But they did it with such excitement by providing so many examples and so many iterences of the exact same thing, I tried hard to understand... and then I tried hard to re-channel their excitement into Shakespeare’s Othello.
Perhaps if it were written in hashtags they would like it better:
I am the bomb #moorofvenice #blackram
I think you’re sexy #whitegirlslikeemblack #whiteewe
Let’s get married #onlyinvenice #thingsyoucantdointhesouth
Your daddy is real mad #grounded
But Daddy, I love him #poutysmile
Let’s go to war #realwomenfight
We won the war #celebrategoodtimestonight
Take me baby #beastwithtwobacks
Your wife is cheating on you #thegreeneyedmonster
I wish I never married #wishinevermarried
You are a strumpet #whoresrus
I am innocent #ididntdoit
Look at the evidence #handerchiefsbackinstyle
I will kill everyone now #bloodyswordplay
Even dead people talk #shakespearesuspensionofdisbelief
Othello, you’re wrong, she was innocent #fml
Why did you ensnare my soul, Iago? #demidevil
Now, I must kill myself too #waystocommitsuicide
I know, clearly I don’t get it yet. No doubt my students would tell me that I’m doing this entirely wrong. And then they’d get all excited about showing me how to do it wrong again. And they’d say the exact same thing.
My point was, I got home, took off my pants, and then opened Tina’s book (Tina and I are best friends, only she doesn’t know it yet). And I read the best and shortest chapter ever (I think she’d approve, since we’re best friends, of my reprinting it here):
Chapter Title: What Turning Forty Means to Me
“I need to take my pants off as soon as I get home. I didn’t used to have to do that. But now I do” *.
*Thanks Tina, for letting me print this, call me later, K?