Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Settle Down February!

Some things I've learned as of late:

1. Unspoken cultural rules exist here in Canada, and they are escaping me.
I learned early that I need to remove my footwear when I enter someone's home. This only took two embarrassing confrontations (and has saved my footwear budget--no need to buy any here just to surrender them to waste away at someone's door!)
There are certain social customs I fear I have violated. And nobody is telling me. Maybe they're whispering behind my back. Possibly laughing. Perhaps I'm completely delusional--cold months of no Vitamin D may have strange side effects. I'm not sure if I bring up inappropriate things at innoportune times, or if I talk too much or too little. Or if I have bad breath. Or if I'm scary looking because I'm so pale.

2. I do know this: I am tired of being on my best behavior in order to find friends. I just want people to surround me who love me for my bad and inappropriate and ridiculously awkward sides. I want to be crabby in public.

3. There's no such thing as new-old friends.

4. I had to delete this one. Even though it was good. It was, perhaps, a bit too honest. Sometimes even I self-censor.

5. Lately, I write articles for magazines. Then I submit them. Here's the problem: Even though I have been submitting said articles to magazines that I am confident have a demographic I comprehend, I have felt my limitation as a writer: I cannot write for a wide audience. My preferred audience is snarky, vodka-drinking, swearing, Jesus-loving, but Dobson-not-loving-, women who sometimes want to be sexy and smart and not have mom attached to their identity (but deeply love their children). That's a frickin long magazine title. I am about to give up on my limp dream of pleasing a wide audience and start writing here more, where the few of you who read this would buy that magazine, even with its long title. Which is why I love you.

6. I've also learned this: All we really need to survive is one person who really loves us.

7. The person who loves me most is a song-writer. He wrote me (and sang) this: "Hold on to me as we go / As we roll down this unfamiliar road / And although this wave is stringing us along / Just know you're not alone cuz I'm gonna make this place your home / Settle down, it'll all be clear / Don't pay no mind to the demons, they fill you with fear / Trouble it might drag you down, but if you get lost, you can always be found / Just know you're not alone, cuz I'm gonna make this place your home / oooohhhh, oooooooo, aaaaahhhh, aaaaa-ooooo-aaaaah, aaahhhoohhhaaaahhh, oooooohhh, aaahooooahoahoaohoaoahoaohoahoahoahoah... " And, no, I'm not married to anyone with any Phil in his name, but someone with a Phil somewhere in their name stole this, apparently, from my husband.


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